The Conflict Ritual
A Practice for Clarity, Courage & Repair
For many of us, conflict has felt like danger.
Loud voices. Silent treatments. Shaky ground.
We’ve learned to either explode or disappear.
To speak too much, or not at all.
To hold everything in until it leaks out sideways.
But conflict doesn’t have to be harm.
It can be healing.
It can be a place where truth meets care where something new can be built.
Part One: Ground Yourself
Before entering any challenging conversation, return to your centre. This is your anchor. Your clarity lives here.
Ask yourself:
What happened?
Not your interpretation. Not their intention. Just the facts.
Write down the moment, the pattern, or the action you need to name.
How did it affect you?
Name the impact not to assign blame, but to be seen.
What shifted in your body, your emotions, your sense of trust?
What do you want moving forward?
Speak from vision. What would feel more aligned, more honest, more mutual?
Don’t just name what’s broken name what’s possible.
Part Two: Set the Stage for Connection
Conflict doesn’t begin in the heat of the moment.
It begins in how you prepare.
Before reaching out, consider:
What’s your intention?
Let them know you want to talk—because the relationship matters.
“This has been on my heart, and I want to speak it with care.”
Where will you meet?
Choose a setting that invites ease.
Neutral ground. No rush. No distractions.
“Can we sit down for a proper kōrero—just the two of us?”
Why is this worth it?
Conflict is not about winning. It’s about repair.
Let them know:
“I want us to understand each other better. I care about this connection.”
Part Three: Speak with Truth and Compassion
Here’s a simple way to structure your words:
I’ve noticed… (Name the moment or pattern)
It left me feeling… (Share the emotional impact)
How I feel we can move forward is… (Offer a clear next step)
This is not about controlling the outcome.
It’s about honouring your truth.
Part Four: Listen with Openness
Once you’ve shared, create space for their voice.
Ask:
How does that land for you?
What’s your side of the story?
Is there something I might not have seen?
Hold your centre. Breathe through discomfort.
You are allowed to take space.
You are allowed to pause and return later.
Part Five: Reflect + Repair
After the conversation, don’t rush into “all good.”
Pause. Give their words time to settle. Then ask:
What was said that needed saying?
What still feels tender or unresolved?
What needs to happen to honour the repair?
Conflict isn’t a failure of relationship.
It’s proof that the relationship is real.
A Final Blessing
Let this be the season where you stop avoiding what matters.
Let this be the season where you trust your voice,
not as a weapon, but as a bridge.
Conflict is not the opposite of love.
It is one of love’s most honest expressions.
